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| 5/18/2004 |
| New York Minute: The Olsen Twins, The Olsen Twins... |
A Movie Review
by Wes Bennett
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“In the history of American cinema, no actor has been as alternately cheesy, hysterical, likable, ludicrous, laughable and endearing, sometimes even all at once.” Bill Simmons’ (ESPN page 2 writer) description of Stallone’s performance in “Rocky III,” can easily be used to describe the experience of seeing the Olsen Twins in “New York Minute,” which is at the very least, an extremely surreal and oddly fascinating experience.
The film isn’t as bad as you would expect and is at some points more charming and entertaining than many films I have reviewed in the past. But it is definitely not a “real” movie, and stands as more of a bizarre gimmick.
A lot of the film is spent in a state of shock that the Olsen Twins are starring in a mainstream film that was released in theaters. But if one looks at their successful history, it was probably inevitable.
The Hollywood Reporter named the Olsen Twins as two of the 100 most powerful women in Hollywood. Their estimated worth is $76 million. They have a product line that includes over 50 categories of entertainment, fashion and lifestyle that are part of the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen line – including clothes, fragrances, cosmetics, shampoos, videos, books, CDs and home furnishings. This all helped Dualstar Entertainment to earn $500 million in 2001 and around $1 billion in 2002.
In “New York Minute,” Mary-Kate Olsen plays Roxy Ryan, the rebellious rock girl who skips school and dreams of getting her demo CD backstage at a video shoot. Ashley Olsen plays Jane Ryan, the ultra-straight, responsible one who will win a four-year scholarship to Oxford University if she gives the winning speech in a competition at Columbia. The absurd plot puts the twins in New York City and has them running around with a stolen microchip, attempting to find Jane’s lost speech while avoiding a truancy officer (Eugene Levy). A lot of what happens prompts you to look around in shock and ask if this is really happening?
In one remarkable scene, Roxy and Jane find their way to a Harlem beauty parlor, where a roomful of sassy, hip-shaking African-American women give the discombobulated twins a series of makeovers (all for free), endowing them with the elusive quality known as bling.
Thrown awkwardly into the mix are the occasional serious scenes which deal with their dead mother and the differences between the two sisters who love each other deep down in spite of their differences.
The Olsen Twins have inspired legions of web sites counting down the days to their 18th birthday and thus their subsequent legality. The count at the time of this review is 4 weeks and 3 days (yes, they also have the hours, minutes and seconds).
Despite the fact that the Olsens are twins and very cute, they have no real future as sex symbols because of their small stature. Their recent hosting of “Saturday Night Live” last week proved that they are in fact kind of creepy. They are very, very small and this could not be covered up on live television.
Also since there are only a limited number of scripts that are written for twins, the two may soon find themselves competing for parts, leaving room for only one to emerge as the diva, the Phil Collins of their Genesis or the Justin Timberlake of their N Sync if you will.
I’m not sure what the future holds for the Olsen twins. You would have to think with their media empire, it would be pretty difficult to screw things up completely. (I thought the same thing about M.C. Hammer.) With that kind of money they can afford to surround themselves with talent. But judging from “New York Minute,” the transition from child stars to mainstream actors could be an uphill battle. Only time will tell if they are too legit, too legit to quit. |
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| "We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it." |
- Jack Nicholson
A Few Good Men
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Distributed Beers
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| 5 |
Sierra Nevada Bigfoot |
| 4 |
Guinness Draught |
| 3 |
Newcastle Brown Ale |
| 2 |
Bass Pale Ale |
| 1 |
Samuel Adams Boston Lager |
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